I just lost another classmate to suicide, the 5th. I’ve lost a dear cousin to it, a dear friend, and five dear classmates. I’m sick of it. I’m tired of sweeping it under the rug as if it doesn’t happen. I’m tired of hiding someone’s secret struggle when the lack of their hiding would have saved them. I’m tired of the disconnection that’s felt among our culture. I’m tired of pride being worn like it’s the hottest Calvin Klein scent. I’m tired of people treating others as if they’re better than them, as if they have something to prove. I’m tired of vulnerability and humbleness being viewed as weaknesses, when in reality, they are strengths.

It’s no secret that mental illness in our country is at an all time high. But what good does it do to get angry about it? Nothing. But there are some things we can do that will help.

First of all, no one else is to blame when someone commits suicide. It is their own choice. As I heard someone say, “a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” But let’s all acknowledge that it’s no solution. It doesn’t SOLVE anything! A pastor even referred to suicide as the most selfish thing a person could do.

Next, there are some things we can do to help this epidemic in our culture. We can connect with others. We can invite people over for dinner. We can ask how people are and actually care about their response. We can be kind on social media. We can pray for and with others and ask how we can pray for people. We can smile at the checkout person in the grocery, and look them in the eye. We can, ultimately with God’s help, get over ourselves and focus on helping others. We can reach out. We can talk about our own struggles, in a safe way to safe people, and thereby encouraging others to do the same. We can stop hiding, stop pretending everything is ok, stop trying to have it all together. Newsflash: no one’s perfect, even if they look it on the outside. We can be safe people who welcome others who are struggling. We can’t help everyone, but we can help someone. We can’t do everything, but we can do something.

I’m just going to take this time to say, you have my permission, this holiday season, to focus on people more than gifts, traditions, and year end stuff. Focus on the Lord, His good gift, and others in your life. I’ll also add that there’s more to life than money and success. So much of that pursuit ends in death. Statistics consistently show that after one’s basic needs are met, happiness actually declines with more income (Amen, You Happier).

I don’t do any of this perfectly. But I do desire for myself and my culture to improve in these areas. We can treat each other better. That doesn’t mean only talking to those who think like us, look like us, and do what we do. It means treating even those very different from us with kindness, without necessarily trying to change them.

It seems so basic, but it can have a huge impact. Did you know that when you see someone and feel welcomed by them, it creates endorphins in your brain? The opposite is also true. If you feel you’re not welcomed, appreciated, or noticed, bad chemicals are created in your brain. Brain chemicals contribute to your functionality. Dysfunctional relationships are those where people don’t function as they should. A father is controlling instead of loving. A friend only asks for help instead of giving help too. It makes it hard in such relationships to function normally. But the more endorphins one has, the more they’re able to do and attempt. You can help people’s brains heal from their past by simply acknowledging their presence, noticing them, and welcoming them.

My pastor’s wife does this amazingly well. She often cheers when someone comes in the door. Her face lights up as she invites us into her presence. It makes us feel like superstars. It’s something I pray to do well. And your can too! I pray we realize how our actions toward others matter and that we’d choose to connect more than we choose fear of rejection or aloneness.

However, we can’t do any of this without Jesus. Jesus is the author of love and we cannot therefore, love anyone, without Him in us (1 John 4:7-12). And any hope or welcoming efforts on our part will fall miles short of the welcoming loving sense a person gains from beginning a relationship with Jesus. Kindness is helpful, but ultimate healing is only available through Jesus Christ (James 1:17). Connecting with others should always connecting with them spiritually. I confess, this doesn’t always come naturally or easily! But think of this: the medical profession acknowledges spirituality as an important indicator in someone’s health so much so that patients overwhelming statistically reported wanting their practitioners to ask them about their spiritual life. Wait what? People WANT their doctors to ask them about their spiritual lives? If that’s true of their doctors, how much more is it true of their close family and friends? For God has not given us a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, of love, and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). In other words, we need not be afraid! We have all power in us from Christ (Matthew 28:18-20). We can make a difference in others’ lives because Christ made a difference in us.